So Much in So Little Time

Posted in Life on December 8, 2010 by tjdeuceosix

I don’t know if there’s ever been such a short span of time in my life where I’ve felt so many different…I guess “emotions” is the only word I can really think if right now, even though I feel as though it’s not the best word. Since the end of summer I’ve experienced intense joy, happiness, passion. As autumn has settled in, I’ve experienced sadness, disappointment, apathy. As we get closer to the winter, I can feel any one of those “emotions” any given day, or even any given hour. I generally know what things are causing me to feel the different things I do (my job, my “relationship”, my family, my life here in Seattle). I feel that as long as I stay here, physically and metaphorically, my life is just going to be stagnant. I’m looking to put myself into different surroundings so I can do some “soul searching” and try to grow more as a person. It’s kinda crazy to think how emotionally volatile my life seems to be when I consider how stagnant I feel my life is becoming. BUT, I know what I want to do to fix that. As Dugg told me, it’s just a matter of planning it out more fully, then executing.

Random Thoughts, Vol. 2

Posted in Contemplation, Life on November 1, 2010 by tjdeuceosix

Human beings are such interesting creatures.  It’s amazing to me the way the human mind works, particularly relating to emotions, the ease or unease with which a  person can communicate them, and the factors that affect emotions. It gets even more interesting when I think about how one thing can change the way a person feels, and when that change in feeling gets relayed to another person, it creates an emotional response as well.

That’s kind of what I’m going through right now. I guess it’s better to establish that we’re not going to work out sooner rather than later, but it sucks. It just boggles my mind that in just one week’s time, things changed completely. I guess the typical emotional response, or at least the one I would have had if this happened years ago, would be anger then sadness. Right now, it’s just sadness. But I look for it to change to happiness. She wants to move back to Houston because she feels at home there. Who am I to try and stop her? All I want is for her to be happy. And if leaving me is part of that equation, then I’ll have to deal with it.

This whole situation got me to thinking about humans and their emotional attachments to other humans. When you think about it, it really serves no purpose. At the most basic level all we really need to do is survive and reproduce. But if that was all we did, the life of a human being would be completely unfulfilling. So we as humans develop relationships with others, namely friendships and romantic relationships to make our lives full. And it works. It makes life awesome. But the not awesome part is when those relationships end. That shit sucks. But we as humans can rely on the other people  we still have relationships with to help us cope. This is what make humans special. The ability to feel emotions such as sadness, and have the ability to come back, whether it be alone or with the help of friends, and feel happiness. Whether or not these thoughts make sense, I don’t know. It’s just random.

Valentine’s Day

Posted in Uncategorized on February 14, 2010 by tjdeuceosix

So it’s Valentine’s Day today, the Hallmark holiday everybody loves to hate. Valentine’s day can be a day where lovers do something special for their other half as a token of affection. But there are those of us out their to whom this holiday serves as a sore reminder that we don’t have someone “special” to celebrate with. One on hand, that’s at LEAST $50 saved. But on the other hand, it reminds me of how lonely the single life can be. But another thing that Valentine’s Day can be is a holiday where you express your love for someone that isn’t necessarily your lover. You can send your love to a good friend, a sibling, a parent whoever. I remember how last year I got my mom a V-Day card and she was so touched that I remembered her on a day that seems to be reserved for couples only. So to all my friends that are happily coupled up, I hope you have a fun and special holiday. But to all the friends and fam out there holdin it down solo this V-Day, I send you my love too. Happy Valentine’s Day y’all.

With that, I’ll leave y’all with a Slow Jam mix I been bumpin since grade school. Enjoy

DJ Opus – Slow Jam Mix v.1

Random Thoughts, Vol. 1

Posted in Uncategorized on January 25, 2010 by tjdeuceosix

You know what I don’t get? Why people think being single is tight. I fuckin hate that shit. Yeah, you’re free to do whatever you want, or whoever you want. But for me, whoever I wanna do hardly ever wants to do me too. That bullshit is bullshit too. That’s why I think being single is weak as fugg. I’m so ready to date again, but I guess I just gotta make that happen for myself.

Case of the Ex

Posted in Life with tags , on December 11, 2009 by tjdeuceosix

Man, I don’t know what’s going on with me lately. Since Thanksgiving, I’ve been thinking about the ex a lot. Like…Hella. I guess it’s probably because it’s the holidays after the breakup. I really hate it. I been trying to distract myself but it’s real hard. During the summer, I thought I was aight. Then at the end of summer, I spoke with her for the first time since May. It was actually a decent, enjoyable conversation. At that point we squashed any beef we had with each other, which is good. The whole point of me starting this blog was for me to write down and remind myself the changes I’ve made/need to make. I feel this was another step towards that. But on the other hand, it sort of threw me back like 10 steps in the “getting over the ex” process. Me not hating her anymore made it easier to remember how happy she used to make me at one point in time. It made me miss her. It’s shitty. And it kind of hinders me from wanting to get out there and meet women/date women. Maybe putting this “down on (digital) paper” will sort of help clear my mind a bit. I know I’ve got great family and friends to have my back and cheer me up this holiday season. Hopefully things will get better for me mentally after the new year. Lord knows that this year was shitty on so many levels. I just gotta go into next year with a positive attitude and hopefully things will get better.

Unbelievable

Posted in Uncategorized on October 12, 2009 by tjdeuceosix

My Uncle Albert passed away last Wednesday. That’s the third person to die in my family this year. And just a few weeks after the passing of my Lolo. I’m in utter disbelief. I’m so distracted right now. This year has been so tough for my family. They say everything happens for a reason and that God has His plans for us. I guess we just have to wait and see what that is.

Gone Too Soon

Posted in Uncategorized on October 4, 2009 by tjdeuceosix

Wow.  I can’t explain how shocked I am. I barely knew Chris except for talking to him at school and day care and stuff. But I can’t help but feel so bad and terribly sad upon hearing about his passing. Especially the way he died: in a car accident. When I heard he died from a car accident, it immediately brought my mind back to my own car accident. I kind of feel guilty. Why did I come out almost totally unscathed but Chris lost his life? What did I do to deserve a second chance here on this earth? I have to be thankful everyday I’m alive because it can all be taken away so quickly. He was only 20 years old man. So damn young. It’s not fair.

I didn’t know you too well, Chris, but I knew you were a good guy. I hope you rest peacefully. My condolences go out to the Bowne family.

RIP Chris Bowne.